Day Zero

Isn't it so awkward when you have this blog you haven't written in forever, and you feel like you maybe want to write in it but it's been so long that you feel like you have to have this epic comeback post, and there's nothing in either your external or internal life that warrants that at all? No, I think, I'd rather just delete the damn blog than have to contend with that.

Unfortunately, or not, I can't abandon or delete the blog just because I'm in a bit of a mental funk right now. I can't do it because I anticipated this very compulsion some weeks back when I was in a better mood, and I plotted against my future avoidant self. When several members of my acquaintance and I were formulating lists of 101 things to accomplish in 1001 days, via Day Zero Project, I added Write a blog entry for every goal completed to my list. And now that my list is 5% completed, I have some catching up to do.

So hi! This is not a comeback. It's just another day.


* Initiate a conversation with someone at a bus stop.

Said conversation lasted approximately thirty seconds and largely revolved around the weather and frustration regarding late buses. I considered making this more difficult -- initiate twenty conversations! initiate a conversation every month for a year! -- because really, as written, it's absurd that a thirty-year-old woman should find the goal a challenge. But I did. So it stands.


* Mail the three books I've owed forever.

Okay, some goals are going to be better topics of discussion than others. I used to swap books online pretty heavily but have become less interested in doing this, and as a result of decreased interest + financial issues had owned a few books for months. And now, I don't. The End.


* Visit my sister in Chicago.

My parents were in town for my niece's second birthday and Mother's Day, and I desperately wanted to go but couldn't get time off work and couldn't justify purchasing a plane ticket just for a short weekend. So... I spent Friday night on the Megabus, spent all day Saturday and Sunday morning in Chicago, and got back on the Megabus on Sunday afternoon to get back to Minneapolis at about 1am, ready for work on Monday morning.

Worth every minute. Since I moved to Minneapolis in April 2012, I've managed to visit my sister in Chicago four times. The visit I made in May will be the last, because she will be moving to Los Angeles next month, so it felt very important that I go one last time, sixteen hours on the Megabus be damned!


* Complete a Sunday crossword.

I downloaded the New York Times Crossword app onto my phone, and I can't stop doing the damn things somewhat compulsively. The Sunday Puzzle felt like the obvious goal... but as it turns out, the Saturday one is harder. Who knew! Coincidentally, I've just completed my first Saturday puzzle today, so now I have won crosswords and can stop doing them. (But won't.)


* Dry clean my suit.

... I had my suit cleaned.


* Obtain a permanent job.

And I didn't even wear my suit to the interview!

I've been debating how much I want to say about this. On one hand, I had some thoughts about it that I would like to voice, but on the other, I had decided when I started this blog that I wasn't going to get into specifics about my job. It too easily leads to venting and venting online gets dangerous. Also, I have a tendency to obsess over whatever job I have and tie it too strongly into the image I have of myself, when really, I think I need to go the opposite direction and try to focus more on accomplishments outside of work.

So, for now, I'm just going to say... hooray, I'm employed full-time again! This will be the first time since we moved that my husband and I will both be holding down full-time work consistently, and I am looking forward to worrying about money less and giving ourselves the opportunity to experience this still-new-to-us city more fully.

That's all.

Since this isn't a comeback, I don't suppose a proper closing is terribly important.

Your Foreign Correspondent

I am reporting from the wilds of the Chicago suburbs, sipping a latte and trying not to blow my nose so loudly as to gross out the other coffee shop patrons, but I know it's hopeless and they all hate me. Such is life. I'm not going to leave just as they put on the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack, that's for damn sure.

I'm here in Chicago attempting to help my sister as she approaches the birth of her second child. I say "attempting" because I feel pretty useless most of the time... Mainly, I find myself playing with my niece a lot, as my poor sister gets burned out on reading her the same books and playing the same games over... and over... and over...

My niece will be two in May and is the cutest and sweetest little thing you ever did see -- except that she's just figuring out how to be verbal, and occasionally it's just easier to scream. I get it, sweetie, I get it. Sometimes I just want to scream to get my point across, too.

But I love being an aunt. I get to invent awesome games that she loves and make her laugh and play and have fun, all without having to make any of the big decisions or educate her or ever discipline her for anything!

My stay has no set end point, because it all depends on when that nephew of mine decides to show his face (likely by next week, we are told!). I work from home* so I don't need to be back by any certain date. Which is getting me lots of wonderful quality time with my sister, niece, and brother-in-law, and enables me to be here when they will most be in need of help, but I certainly am getting homesick, and not knowing when I will return makes it harder. I miss my husband, I miss my dog, I miss my -- friends? Do I have friends, now? I think I do, and I think I miss them! And... I miss my adoptive home. This is the third time I've gone away from Minneapolis since moving there in April, but it's the first time I've been able to think of it as home when I'm not there.

Chicago finally got its first snowfall of any significance, so it feels a little more like home now..!

Did you know that our dog Brian escaped the other day? He went for an adventure in sub-zero temperatures because somehow both of our front doors blew open and Dan was in the other room and didn't notice. Very luckily a kind stranger took pity on him and caught him after he was almost hit by a truck, and kept him safe and warm till Dan could come get him. Thank you, thank you, stranger. You have no idea how much that dumb little mutt means to us.

This afternoon I get to accompany my sister and niece to a toddler dance class. Apparently the little one gets a tutu to wear and gets really excited about it. Oh lord, the cuteness.


*Although I technically work from home, it's kind of not going so well -- see how I came to a coffee shop to work, and instead I wrote a blog entry? That's pretty much how working from home has been going for me. And other work bullshit that I don't care to address. And probably we won't be able to pay our rent and will be evicted onto the street and everything will be ruined forever, the end. Or, perhaps more likely, we'll scrape by till I can get my act together (...) or find a new job (yes!).

Dinner Plans and Current Events

Tip:

If you are overdue on your grocery shopping and the only food in your house is leftover Christmas baking supplies -- half a bag of dark chocolate chips washed down with a glass or two of red wine make an acceptable dinner.

More than acceptable, really...

MPR is apparently about to air a documentary about Paul McCartney's solo career after the Beatles. I literally cannot think of anything which would interest me less.

Oh, I was just reminded of something less interesting: the fiscal cliff. Time to turn the radio off, I think...

Those Days In Between Christmas and New Years

I thought that the holidays this year were going to be difficult. I miss my family down in Florida, and we couldn't afford to go back so soon. I assumed that Thanksgiving and Christmas would only heighten my loneliness.

Instead, I found myself feeling grateful to have a family that can make me feel special and loved from halfway across the country. And so happy with the life that we are slowly building for ourselves here. We had wonderful friends to host us for both holidays. They weren't the same as they had always been, but isn't that why we came?

And the snow..! It is just stunning and the fun of it is not yet losing its appeal for me, even though I can barely keep my balance on the ice, and even though my husband almost died this morning when he spun out and crashed into the guard rail. He would say I am melodramatic, but I am not. I knew as soon as he was ten minutes late this morning that he was in a ditch somewhere, and he was.

The car does not look awesome, but he is fine, so who cares.

I learned to knit this month! I've knit four dishcloths and am moving on to a scarf! And otherwise accomplished very little. Almost nothing, really. But I did mail my Christmas presents on time.

post title

I am uncertain of my place in the world, as a socially awkward woman who appears to be motivated neither by children nor by career. I am unsure of what I am doing with this blog. It seemed clear, once, and now it doesn't.

But it's snowing, and right now I think I would rather go forth and spend money I do not have on gifts nobody needs. A full week of moping about the house seems quite enough, thank you.

Do you even know how many drafts I have saved up in here? I don't know how to share myself.

Alien

Dan will be in Florida until Tuesday. He left for the airport about an hour ago, and I am already lonely.

Do you ever wonder whether or not you may be an alien? Like, does it ever seem as though everyday things that other people seem to manage so easily -- socializing, making friends, going to bars, being in public, saying hello, bonding with other people --  feel so foreign and strange to you and it is just possible you might not actually be a human?

.... me neither.

On the plus side, it would appear that Dan is taking the heat back down with him.

I don't know what I'm so excited about, though. There is a snow shovel in the basement, but I do not know how to use it. Where do you put the snow? And the City website for trash collection said you have to dig a three foot path (or something like that) but if you put them out the night before might they not get buried anyway?!

This should be fun.

Post-Nano Haze

NaNoWriMo has ended, and I find myself with more time on my hands than I had last month. NaNoWriMo felt.. very important this year. It was my second year of participation and my second win. I am under no delusions that the collection of short stories that I created is at all well-written, or would hold any meaning for anyone else. But the act of creating it did feel important, even vital, like awakening a piece of myself that has been dead for many years. Markedly different from last year, when I thought, well that was fun, let's never do that again. So I will continue writing short fiction, even if no one will ever read it but me. Dan has been pushing me to share things I write here, and.. I just can't, right now. I can't explain why things I make up are more meaningful to me than things I don't, but so it is.

The other thing I will be doing with all this extra time is being crafty! Making things can certainly be a creative endeavor, and it has long been a desire of mine to be a generally more useful person. I squarely place the act of making things I will actively use within this category. It's also far less personal and something I actually feel as though I can share in public.

So today I got out some scrap fabric and tools, and started playing a little. Here is my workspace.

... it's the floor. The bundle of white and pink fabric sits on top of a wee ironing board, about six inches off the ground. 

I opened the blinds of the front window in an effort to occupy Brian, since he is glued to my side all day long and the joy of looking out the window is the only thing that will distract him for any length of time.

It worked for a little while.

There is a reason everything I own is covered in a fine layer of white hair.

So let's see how far I get in this workspace with this dog.

In conclusion, here is an unrelated picture of me looking like a ghost. A GHOST WITH UNFINISHED BUSINESS.